Stay Young

Hello all. Hope everyone had a good weekend. I had a pretty good one (despite Michigan's loss to Ohio state - yet again). On Friday, Phill came into town for a visit. That night, we along with CWP$, DJ, Nick, and Walter went and saw the new Bond movie, Casino Royale. I must say that was a pretty damn good movie. You could tell the producers and director looked at how crappy Die Another Day was (whose plot, I am not kidding you, involves stealing conflict diamonds to create a giant laser to blow up all the landmines between North and South Korea by a northern korean-turned-british villian. Oh yeah, did i mention the invisible car.) The plot of Casino Royale was much more realistic. The action was much more realistic and gasp! Bond actually gets blood on him when he fights. Although it looks like the writers cribbed alot of the movie from the Bourne Identity/Supremacy, it was definitely refreshing. Coolest scene: the free running chase scene. I also got to see DJ/CWPs new condo in Milipitas afterward.

On Sunday, Phill, Carl, and I went to BJs in the newly remodeled Oakridge Mall for lunch. I must say Oakridge went through a huge improvement from what is used to be. Now Vallco and Eastridge are the only two joke malls left in the south bay. Highlight of the meal was deciding between getting a regular cookie chip Pizooki or a cookie's and cream Pizooki. It turns they offer half and half. What a glorious country we live in. We then checked out Carl's new house, which is quite kick ass with its high ceilings. Instead of furniture, Carl has cardboard boxes laid out where his furniture is supposed to be. So we had a hoot laying down on his furniture which were nabisco boxes. We also spent some time looking at old yearbooks and having a hearty laugh at our crappy hair styles and making snide comments such "Oh back when he had hair..." or "Look at him, that was before life crushed him!" Cheng and DJ then headed over and went to Lake Almaden. They had these cool new playground structures which were made of high tension ropes. So yeah, we decided to be immature and play on the playground. We also nearly destroyed the teter-totter. And yes, we went on the swings - which almost ended quite hillariously painful when DJ nearly hit her husband in the head while swinging.
The night was colluded with a lovely game night of Clue and Scatergories in which I tried to convince that a valid answer for Presidents starting with E is "El Presidente" Quite a fun weekend indeed.

Multiple people have pointed out in recent weeks/months, my rather negative view towards marriage, children, and basically everything related to domesticated life. I have to admit, yeah I have been pretty harsh on the ideas and yes, even the people who happened to be at that stage in their lives. So apologies to people who feel that I am calling them out unfairly. But this does bring up an important point. CWP$ and DJ are a married couple that I admire. They manage to have a healthly relationship but at the same time leave time to do activities that don't necessarily relate to domestic life (such as play on a playground). The people I have been negative towards seem totally consumed with domestic life. This came out after I heard several rather, for lack of a better word, lame excuses on why people couldn't make my awesome poker party. One excuse what a friend of mine had to watch, not her own kid, but her sister's kid. This same friend also cancelled out on several other fun activities for similiar reasons (have to help her sister shop, parents are in town, etc..). Given my crappy familiar situation and history, I probably shouldn't judge those who value family obligations. But there comes a point where responsbility becomes all-consuming. In addition, some people have defended more domestically minded friends of mine. They counter that they are not being "lame" but they have a lot of responsiblity in their lives now (that don't include just themselves) and that I should go easy on them. They also not-so subtley hint that perhaps I should start being more domestic minded instead of drinking and doing immature things (such as being 27 and playing on a playground designed for 7 year olds). A familiar refrain I hear from several people, is that I should make affordances for these domesticated people, since yeah they are facing a lot of new responsbilities and obligations now. They also would say I think differently if I was put their situation, with all that responsiblity and obligation.

Gee, maybe they are right. It's not like I have faced any significant responsiblity or obligation in my life. Certainly not when I was an undergrad in college when I was taking an overloaded schedule of classes and working 25-30 hours a week (and for a period of a few months 40 hours a week) in order to pay my rent and my large tuition bill. Definitely not when I was going to the financial aid office several times a week, begging them for more financial aid and hoping they didn't put a hold on my registration since I couldn't pay my tuition on time. Definitely not when I was taking the bus since I didn't have a car to my 3 (and at one point 4) jobs that paid on average 10 dollars a hour to cover my rent and tuition bill that was $7000 a quarter. And definitely not when I had to work during Christmas and spring breaks becasue if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to cover rent. And what were these now-domesticated people who now have all this responsibility that I should give a pass for doing at this time? They were living in their dorms, going to their parties, and having fun while their parents footed their tuition bills. At christmas and spring break, I was on campus, fixing computers, while they were relaxing. If it sounds like I have a chip on my shoulder, then I probably should. Because these now domesticated people didn't give much affordance back then when I was overwhelmed with responsbility and obligation. They often asked why I was so stressed out all the time and why didn't i have a girlfriend. Well it is fucking tough to date and be relaxed when you have hours of homework, have to run to the bus stop right after class, so you're not late for your first job because after that one, you have to take the bus back to your second one.

I went to a counselor to help me manage my stress at that time. I thought he would make me feel better, but he actually didn't. I complained that few people were being understanding to me because I coiuldn't help it if I was overwhelmed with work and responsibility. The counselor said I could help because all my stress and responsibility, in the end, were choices. Granted choices that I didn't heartily embrace but still they were choices. It was my choice to go to a university that charged $21,000 a year and not have my parents chip in for any of it. It was my choice to work 3 jobs to pay my tuition and rent. And so on and so on. AT the time I was pretty pissed off at him for saying this to me. but now, I can sorta understand what he was talking about. Yes the stress in my life at that time was because of choices I made. So why should people feel sorry or cut me a break. I mean, I chose to be that stressed, they didn't choose for me.

So I now say that to these domesticated people (people who are married, getting married, thinking about getting married, or just desire for a more domesticated lifestyle) to who I have mildly or harshly criticized or offended with my negative attitude: It was your choice

It is your choice to be all-consumed with domesticated life, responsibility and obligation (be it being married, getting married, possibliy getting married, or be totally obligated to your family). That apparently makes them completely above my criticism and should be given a pass. Well I disagree. And perhaps if I was shown such understanding when I was faced with the same amount of overwhelming responsbility, I would think differently.

But I try to be a better person than those who treated less than well. So I will be understanding to those embracing the sll-consuming domestic life, as lame as I think it is.

That's all for now, until next time, peace.