Who Feels Love?

Two entries in one day?!? Yes it can be true. Since I had so much to write, I decided to split them up. So I wanted to devote an entire entry to Dow-Jane and Cheng's wedding, which occurred last weekend. Per usual routine, you can see them on my Flickr. It was a very surreal event in many ways. First off, Cheng is the first of my close friends to tie the knot. Which makes me feel old on one hand but of course makes feel happy for Cheng and Dow-Jane. Happy in the sense that they found love, in its most honest and plain form. Many people I know are in the midst of wedding season, as in scores of their friends, relatives, and acquaintances are getting married right now. I think I met someone who said he was been invited to seven weddings this summer. Hopefully all those people and everyone who is getting married soon will find the love they are looking for. Unfortunately, if the statistics hold, roughly half of them won't. It is scary to think about especially when its people close to you. But eventually some of them will part. But what do I know? I didn't realize Prospect HIgh school shared the same name with the street it is on (Prospect) until living almost next to it for 10 years. So I wish DJ and Cheng and all those newlyweds and soon to be newlyweds the best of luck for happiness, joy, and everlasting love in the future.

The reason why I have touched on the subject of love (which is why this is entitled "Who Feels Love?" - btw, all my entries are named after Oasis songs which I have repeatedly said for those who apparently got confused about my "Married with Children" entry. Now I am not getting married but the subject of the entry was marriage.) is because recent events have underscored the strong difference between love and infatuation. I would like to think two people in love, love each other because of who they are - the good, the bad, and the in-between. While two people may at times annoy each other with their ticks, habits, or attitudes - in the end, it is all the collective attributes about a person that consitutes the reason why you love them. If you got rid of the bad, then they wouldn't be the same person and I don't think people would love each as much. Infatuation, on the other hand, is building the person you are infatuated with up to something their not - namely perfection. Nobody is perfect (except maybe former WWF wrestler from the 80's Mr. Perfect) and to think one person is the end all and beginning to everything is wrong. But of course, we don't realize it at the time. I am guilty of it as with many others.

For those who have read High Fidelity or seen the movie, the main character Rob was infatuated with a girl he dated in college named Charlie. AT the time, he thought Charlie was so beautiful, smart, charming, essentially everything he desired to have and when they broke up, he fell apart. He actually says getting over Charlie was like veterns trying to get over Vietnam. But then later on, he meets Charlie again and realizes she is an awful person. He was so infatuated with her that he dismissed all her bad qualities, which seem so obvious now but were seemingly invisible back then. I believe the reason behind this, is that we do not become infatuated with people, per se. We become infatuated with what those people represent, namely what is missing in our own lives (ie what we wish/desire to be). We become so obsessed that there is now something that fills the what we believe is lacking in ourselves, that the person no longer becomes relevant. The person could be an awful, thoughtless, or even callous person but that doesn't matter because all that matters is that we feel that we now have what we have been missing all this time. And yes, this has happened to me in the past just like I am pretty sure many other people had a certain someone who ended up devastating them. It happened to me many years ago when my first girlfriend dumped me. I literally felt hollow afterward, like all the qualities she represented were ripped out of me. It took me well over a year to get over it.

I wish I could say that true love will find us all. That may be true (as optimists would try to make you believe). I don't know if they are right or wrong. But I can tell you one thing for sure. True love finds some people much easier than others. And infatuation seems to inflict itself on the undeserving much more than it should. Call me jaded but I think I'll sit out of the dating scene for a little longer. I got enough on my mind to worry about. Sorry if I am ending on a sour note but I suppose I will try something to try and cheer this up...ummmmm...

strawberries and puppies

Feel better? Didn't think so. Instead of wishing for peace, I guess I wish true love to all those who seek it. Fat chance of that happening but, like always, one can hope.